Journals16
Newest
Her Own Little World
2 min read
"where were you today? I texted and called but you never picked up." he questioned, thinking she was just avoiding him.
"I'm sorry. I was away." she claimed while trying to hide any emotion from her eyes.
"Away? Where could possibly have gone on a school night?" He marched up to her and grabbed her face, looking deeply into her saddening eyes.
"A different world. I-" she stopped. Something in the distance caught her eye. A glimpse into the past from the corner of her eye. A glimpse of a place she had longed to go to. The place she had gone to escape the vicious reality of the world. Her own little world.
A world full of all her favorite things. Things to make her happy, when she couldn't find reasons to live. Thoughts of her favorite people, places things. Thought of places she's never been, and people she's never met.
A room colored her favorite colors. A table holding her favorite objects, her most memorable items. She picked up her favorite bear and squeezed it tight while she started to bawl. This is all I've ever wanted. All the places I could go. Could this be the answers to all my problems? Do I just have to die?
Shaken. She was being shaken.
"Hey, hey snap out of it." It was her friend. Her stupid friend. "What are you doing? Where did you go?"
"I'm sorry. I was away."
But he'll never know where, nor why. All he'll ever know, is the look in her eyes when she's lost in her own little world...and she's happy.
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What to do..
2 min read
I don't think I genuinely know how much stuff I can successfully get through in high school. It's just like--what exactly am I supposed to be putting first and before anything else? I know once school starts back I'll be trying to get all that sorted out (plus the fact on making all new friends since it's a completely new school and I won't know anyone holy shit that scares me guys I have to leave my friends and now my thoughts are everywhere and its making my brain hurt really bad and I'm typing abnormally fast and what is wrong with me at the moment? hmphh)
I already know school first...but what's second? friends and social life or my band or my health (cause I know that's probably going down hill from here cause all this stress which leads me into depression and everything's awful because once I get really depressed I stop eating and of course that's never good cause does it not only affect my mental health but my physical and shit gets hard) but anyway....instead of boring you guys with my problems that you probably don't care about I'll just go ._.
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He's Perfect
2 min read
So, yesterday I was in my normal chat rooms and everything on an app on my phone like I am every night just looking for friends. Everyone posts pictures of anything and everything so I was like "okay, I'll just see who strikes up a conversation about my MCR shirt." so I posted a picture of my shirt like normal girls would do ( mirror pic omg ) and surprisingly enough...a guy talked to me. We didn't know anything about each other except that we both like My Chemical Romance and our names. We talked forever and finally exchanged kiks and went on talking there, where we figured out what each other actually looked like. I realized he is so so perfect and he's super attractive. He actually likes the fact of how different I am and we are a lot alike in so many ways.
(and he can rock a beanie)
We started being ourselves with each other and just enjoying talking to each other. We both talked till 1 in the morning about lame jokes and random questions and superheroes and I just felt like he was the one person that I needed to make me genuinely feel happy once again because there was no way anyone could wipe that ridiculous smile off of my face. Talking to him makes me feel like I can be who I really am and he won't care and that nothing can go wrong.
Ohh yeah...things can go wrong...because he's 18...and lives 520 miles away from me...
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Realization
1 min read
I just realized...
once I get a job and everything I won't be able to take as many pictures and upload them as normal
I mean, yeah I know I have few watchers and rarely ever comments but that doesn't matter to me...
Just the fact that people can see what I love to do makes me happy and getting a job at 14 is going to reduce the time span on that...
once I get a job and everything I won't be able to take as many pictures and upload them as normal
I mean, yeah I know I have few watchers and rarely ever comments but that doesn't matter to me...
Just the fact that people can see what I love to do makes me happy and getting a job at 14 is going to reduce the time span on that...
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A Monstrosity within Society
4 min read
I can't walk around in public without feeling like a monster. Getting stared at for gauges and colored hair and skinny jeans in the burning heat.
Well, I'm so sorry I'm different and that I want to be me and not some Victoria Secret model. No, I'm not 40 lbs. underweight. No, my hair isn't always perfection. No, my skin isn't flawless like a model.
I'm sorry.
It's not like I roam around trying to steal candy from children or scare them intentionally, and if I do scare them it's a total accident. It's not like you have to look at me.
Yes, I know I'm different; but at least I'm myself. Yes, I know I have an issue when it comes to communicating and that I can't stand/sit still and that I do have an issue with twitching my fingers and not being normal.
I am different and I am me.
I know I wear band tee-shirts and have big holes in my ears and my hair is never one natural color and I wear flooding skinny jeans and vans on a regular basis besides tank tops and flip flops and bleach blonde hair and normal stud earrings or sparkly dangle earrings. It's not my fault that you want to be like the rest of society and get brain washed into being a "normal" human being.
I'm sorry I'm not a huge fans of kids. Some of them are just obnoxious and need to be handled correctly. I'm okay with not being 16 and pregnant and I'm totally okay with still being a virgin and managing that when I'm 14 because this society seems to think teen pregnancy needs a MTV show and now teenagers are having sex at younger ages. What ever happened to the golden promise? The one you made to your parents saying you would never have sex until marriage. I made the golden promise when I was 8 and I've kept it so far.
I'm sorry I want unneeded things; like comic books and junk food and art supplies. But yet, I don't bug my parents for it anymore because I went out and I got a job while I'm still only 14. It's maybe not the most fun thing there is to do during summer vacation, but at least I'm doing something more productive than getting drunk and smoking weed at total all night ragers. I mean, yeah, I'll go out and spend the whole night out some nights, but those are the nights when I don't have to go into work that next day and I can actually hang out and have fun while being completely sober.
Just walking through a public place and seeing all these young girls, aging from 6-12 maybe, and noticing their outfits look like complete strippers or complete sluts makes me so upset with the world. Where are the rules on the length of the shorts given by parents, or the length of the shirt so it won't be a crop top. It's like the parents are trying to make their children complete and utter brats and major raging sluts so in the future they won't know how to act or how to even do anything right.
I know I'm in no position to judge anyone, but I'm just voicing my opinion and society makes me feel like a monster because I know whats right and I know how to be different versus the mainstream of bleach blonde girls wearing almost nothing.
I listen to different music. I listen to MCR, T|O|P, SWS, PtV, and so many others because their songs have meaning and have a purpose. I rather avoid the rap and pop bullshit that society seems to worship. All this bullshit music has is lyrics about drugs, sex, and booze and it seriously needs to just stop because I am sick and tired of turning on a radio and hearing some song about the exact things frowned upon in young people.
But anyways, I just wanted that out of my head and put somewhere....
Have a nice day
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Well, I'm so sorry I'm different and that I want to be me and not some Victoria Secret model. No, I'm not 40 lbs. underweight. No, my hair isn't always perfection. No, my skin isn't flawless like a model.
I'm sorry.
It's not like I roam around trying to steal candy from children or scare them intentionally, and if I do scare them it's a total accident. It's not like you have to look at me.
Yes, I know I'm different; but at least I'm myself. Yes, I know I have an issue when it comes to communicating and that I can't stand/sit still and that I do have an issue with twitching my fingers and not being normal.
I am different and I am me.
I know I wear band tee-shirts and have big holes in my ears and my hair is never one natural color and I wear flooding skinny jeans and vans on a regular basis besides tank tops and flip flops and bleach blonde hair and normal stud earrings or sparkly dangle earrings. It's not my fault that you want to be like the rest of society and get brain washed into being a "normal" human being.
I'm sorry I'm not a huge fans of kids. Some of them are just obnoxious and need to be handled correctly. I'm okay with not being 16 and pregnant and I'm totally okay with still being a virgin and managing that when I'm 14 because this society seems to think teen pregnancy needs a MTV show and now teenagers are having sex at younger ages. What ever happened to the golden promise? The one you made to your parents saying you would never have sex until marriage. I made the golden promise when I was 8 and I've kept it so far.
I'm sorry I want unneeded things; like comic books and junk food and art supplies. But yet, I don't bug my parents for it anymore because I went out and I got a job while I'm still only 14. It's maybe not the most fun thing there is to do during summer vacation, but at least I'm doing something more productive than getting drunk and smoking weed at total all night ragers. I mean, yeah, I'll go out and spend the whole night out some nights, but those are the nights when I don't have to go into work that next day and I can actually hang out and have fun while being completely sober.
Just walking through a public place and seeing all these young girls, aging from 6-12 maybe, and noticing their outfits look like complete strippers or complete sluts makes me so upset with the world. Where are the rules on the length of the shorts given by parents, or the length of the shirt so it won't be a crop top. It's like the parents are trying to make their children complete and utter brats and major raging sluts so in the future they won't know how to act or how to even do anything right.
I know I'm in no position to judge anyone, but I'm just voicing my opinion and society makes me feel like a monster because I know whats right and I know how to be different versus the mainstream of bleach blonde girls wearing almost nothing.
I listen to different music. I listen to MCR, T|O|P, SWS, PtV, and so many others because their songs have meaning and have a purpose. I rather avoid the rap and pop bullshit that society seems to worship. All this bullshit music has is lyrics about drugs, sex, and booze and it seriously needs to just stop because I am sick and tired of turning on a radio and hearing some song about the exact things frowned upon in young people.
But anyways, I just wanted that out of my head and put somewhere....
Have a nice day
Explore lots
Create something extravagant
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